Life’s Desires, and a spiritual journey…

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I have been a goal-setter for a very long time. I taught my first graders to set goals, reassess and achieve, and then celebrate those achievements. I have achieved some of my Life’s Goals…to visit all 50 states (year 2000), to become the first Arizona teacher to accomplish two National Board Certifications (year 2005), to travel abroad (years 2003, 2006, 2008, and 2010), as well as to have a long-lasting marriage (33 years, though it failed).
I don’t want to call mine a Bucket List, as that sounds so final, but when I moved away from my former spouse’s home, I wrote my Life’s Desires on 3 x 5 cards, which I now keep on the kitchen counter.
One of my Life’s Desires has been to become Catholic. I have loved the Church since I was a little girl attending with a neighbor. Frankly my plan was to attend Catholic Church when my former spouse died. Happily, he didn’t have to die for my plan to be initiated. I knew I could attend Catholic Church, but I didn’t think I could become Catholic. I have been divorced twice. One evening at my brother’s house, I said, “I wish I could be Catholic, but I know I can’t.”
He looked surprised and replied, “You can be a Catholic.” There began my serious journey toward my deepest Life’s Desire, and that is the background story.
Mass is celebrated in exactly the same format all over the world. There is the first reading, usually from the Old Testament, the Psalm, the second reading, usually from the New Testament, and a reading from the holy Gospel. In a three year cycle, the congregation hears the entire Bible. The priest delivers the Homily (sermon) and relates the Scriptures to today’s world. The only part that varies from parish to parish is the Homily.
Today’s first reading at Mass is from the Book of Proverbs 31: 10-13, 19-20. “When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls. Her husband, entrusting his heart to her, has an unfailing prize. She brings him good, and not evil, all the days of her life. She obtains wool and flax and works with loving hands. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her fingers ply the spindle. She reaches out her hands to the poor, and extends her arms to the needy.”
When I listened to the reading, I thought, “That was who I tried to be, right down to the fingers plying the spindle. It didn’t do me any good.” And then I realized the key line, as it applies to my situation is, “Her husband, entrusting his heart to her, …” My former spouse couldn’t entrust his heart to me. I don’t know why. I will be listening for the answer to that, and meanwhile, I am wondering, “Where is the part that defines a worthy husband?

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About Horton Hears Herself

Here I am, listening to myself for the first time in my life! I like what I am hearing, most of the time. This time of listening to myself, discovering myself, and learning how to have my dream life is a rocky path with surprises, good and bad.

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