A poem…wish I’d thought of it first

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I am taking my first trip out west since I left ten and a half months ago.  The occasion is a family wedding, and it is the perfect reason for me to return to nurture the long time relationships I had with my former spouse’s children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren.   (See New Year’s Resolution #3.)

 I will see my former spouse.  It won’t be ugly.  But I can’t help fantasizing all the possibilities of our meeting.  The best fantasy is the one where he says to me, “I was so wrong.  I ruined a perfectly good love, and dirtied all my insecurities down to sex.”  Ummm.  That’s not going to happen.

The most likely prospect of our meeting will be us speaking to each other, or us not speaking to each other.  Nevertheless, I am taking him a small gift.  When we were married, I was given a Jade plant by a school parent.  Jades propagate very easily and over time, we had a “Jade Forest” around the big mesquite tree in our backyard.  Jade became our symbol, as it was a combination of our first names.  My last gift from my former spouse was a necklace of an Egyptian cartouche with Jade spelled out in hieroglyphics. 

I am taking him a piece of Jade propagated from the mother plant that I received from one of my “sisters.”   When I left, all our Jades were dead.  Telling, huh?

What I am tempted to tuck into the Jade is the following poem I found by A.C. Swinburne. 

   “I remember the way we parted,

The day and the way we met;

You hoped we were both brokenhearted,

And knew we should both forget.

And the best and the worst of this is

That neither is most to blame,

If you have forgotten my kisses

And I have forgotten your name.”

It is a beautiful poem right up to the zinger of a last line.  I love it.  The best and the worst…I wish I had thought of this poem myself, and while I fantasize giving him this poem, it would be unkind and untrue.   I have not forgotten his name.  But I am working on it! 

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About Horton Hears Herself

Here I am, listening to myself for the first time in my life! I like what I am hearing, most of the time. This time of listening to myself, discovering myself, and learning how to have my dream life is a rocky path with surprises, good and bad.

One response »

  1. I’ve been glued to my kitchen stool this Saturday morning reading randomly from your most recent postings backwards in time, new discoveries on every page, smiling to myself, giggling aloud, glancing at goosebumps on my arms and now shedding (not for the first time) tears. This time for the Jade plant symbolism. You are a very brave and strong woman. As is often said, “If only I knew then what I know now.” I regret that I did not know. Hugs from my heart this very minute to you…… As I read your beautiful writing, I have visualized every lovely detail of your tiny house and gardens, Hattie and the beautiful people and surroundings you enjoy in both your north and south environments that aided your healing. This next chapter of your life is surely a good place to be!

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